Cancel…Submit.
How did I wind up signing myself up as a chef for 6 weeks in South Africa? I can’t cook toast. I decided to try, how often does one get the opportunity to travel to South Africa and go hunting rather inexpensively? My lack of cooking ability and the timeframe hindered my duties as a chef, but Fred, the ranch owner offered me the trip anyway.
That’s crazy! 20 years later and never a vacation without my kids, I was on my way to South Africa. My life would never be the same again. As a bereaved parent, I experience a lot of anxiety. I got online to purchase my ticket to South Africa…to go hunting! I had never killed anything bigger than a flea. After completing all of the information on the page, I was directed to SUBMIT/CANCEL. Oh my gosh! CANCEL.
I would try again tomorrow.
$1895.00, for a ticket to Africa? Are you serious? Name, address, credit card number, oh my gosh, what was I thinking? Reluctantly, I filled out the form and came to the purchase screen’s two options. Cancel or Submit? My heart began to race and my stomach began to churn. I couldn’t go to South Africa by myself. What loser travels alone? I couldn’t go without my kids. I had responsibilities. CANCEL!
I would sleep on it and try again the next day.
I pulled out the laptop. I completed the information AGAIN. The rates had crept up. It was going to be way too expensive to go to South Africa, especially on a teacher’s salary. Now was the time, just hit SUBMIT! Do it! I began to perspire. I needed to be home if my adult kids needed me. I couldn’t go and have a good time. My son had died. CANCEL!
This time I put the laptop away knowing I would never make it to South Africa. Life sucks!
Two weeks went by and the phone rang, “Yes, Fred, of course I got my ticket, I can’t wait!” Half of that was true, half not. A chance of a lifetime, but I had to get past CANCEL! I re-entered my information. Now $2500.00! I was just sick to my stomach. How could I afford this? I closed my eyes. Click! I just purchased a ticket to somewhere in Africa!
cessley
April 21st, 2011 at 2:33 am
Yea! All by yourself you got it on the interweb!
April 21st, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Cathy ~ you are a beautiful person inside and out. I can’t imagine the pain you have felt or the loss that is so real. One thing that I know is real…Heaven is. It is more real than this keyboard I am typing on, and these words I am saying. You will see your precious son again! This I am confident of! The Lord bless you for wanting to help others from a posture of courage and strength! ❤ U!
April 22nd, 2011 at 9:20 am
Kathy,
Sometimes it is easier to “Cancel” and not face things but when you get the strength and power from within it is time to submit and stand up even if you feel you are alone. But we are never truly alone. Life and love are all around us. We must smile and walk forward taking in all things around us and thanking God for what we have and not for what we don’t.
April 22nd, 2011 at 10:50 pm
No one knows what it is realy to fell the pain of a loss of one of your own children. that when life sucks
the most but in time we learn to deal not easy but we do. we just keep a painted smile on our face and a prayer in our hearts