Signed up, ticket purchased and ready to go to China…..but one thing I forgot, it made me start to question my trip to China. Who is going to put flowers on Clifton’s grave??
Who will attend the Compassionate Friends Christmas Memorial and light a candle in his memory? Who will attend the Memorial Day Mass at the cemetery every Memorial Day? Eric and I have never missed a mass on Memorial Day at the cemetery. What have I done? Life sucks…….if you let it.
I verbalized this thought recently, once to my class at school and once just today when I was talking to a friend who happened to drive by when I was leaving another friend’s house.
I can say I am associated with the nicest, most caring and compassionate friends in the world! As I spoke of my dilemma at school, one little girl (Rachel) raised her hand and said, “Ms. Essley, I will put flowers on Clifton’s grave, you just need to show me where it is.” Now how is that for caring, when a little 3rd grader commits to placing flower’s on my son’s grave occasionally. I love Rachel.
But just today, I became teary eyed again when I was speaking to my friend, Bill. He had stopped when he saw my car and began to talk to me about my China trip. He too has lost a son. I told him how I was wondering who was going to put flowers on my son’s grave while I was gone. That is two whole years with no trip to the cemetery on his birthday, Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, and other holidays, or if I just happened to be in the neighborhood days.
He told me that placing flower’s on a grave is an outwardly expression to let others know you haven’t forgotten. He told me I would never forget, and he would always be in my heart. Was it just random that Bill drove by today?
So with that in mind, and knowing that Rachel will get her parents to drive to my son’s grave on occasion, I will remember all the times I have been able to place flowers on his grave and keep those times close to my heart. I will just watch for signs that my son knows I think about him, miss him, and love him everyday. EVERYDAY!
Thank you Eric, Rachel and Bill.
Update: August 19, 2011, now I guess I know who will put flowers on Clifton’s grave! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DID. Your kindness means more than you can EVER imagine. Unless you have lost a child, you can’t even begin to know the devastation and heart break it causes in your life, and the outwardly expression of placing flowers on your son’s grave is comforting, in a way.