Take your Journey, Dad


It’s been a while since my last blog writing. I really just haven’t had the motivation or inspiration to write. It is not that I haven’t been doing anything, because I have done a lot of traveling and have had many interesting China experiences that are worthy of sharing.

But as any bereaved parent knows, sometimes it’s just hard to get by, especially during the Holidays. There is always one who is missing at the Thanksgiving dinner table, and one less to buy presents for at Christmas. Yes, I am in China and my Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas wasn’t with my family anyway, which was quite difficult, but it doesn’t take away the memories and the broken heartedness of the season. Soon, there will be one more less at Thanksgiving dinner.

I would have loved to have had time at Christmas in Oklahoma with my kids, friends, and ailing parents. However, the written IRS laws have prevented me from being able to go home at my leisure., or be subject to thousands of dollars in taxes.  I had to think about saving my IRS “allowed days” in America for attending my dad’s upcoming funeral. He is terminally ill and is being admitted to a hospice hospital within the week to live out his final days. Just today, he told my mom he “Can’t do this anymore, and is tired of being sick and in pain.” Sadly, my mom and kids have to see this once strong, brave fireman struggling to just stay alive as cancer continues to spread throughout his body.

Pookie

I am saddened by his illness, especially considering all the pain my dad is in and the hallucinations he is experiencing. Hospice workers say the hallucinations are normal for terminal patients with cancer.  Dad is apparently trying to “pack his bag with imaginary items such as shoes and so on, so he won’t be late for the train.”  My mom told him to wait until tomorrow to catch the train, as he wanted to get up and go. I guess he waited.

Again, hospice workers stated that this is common for people who have worked their whole lives to want to go on a journey when they know their time is near.

Well, dad is about to go on one remarkable journey and will be with his grandson again.  I know Clifton, my son is in a much better place than we are, and I know that soon he will be with his grandpa and will be able to show him what’s on the other side of those Pearly Gates that we all look forward to seeing when it comes our time.

It’s ok, Dad go on your journey where there is no pain and suffering, and where Clifton waits to give you a hug and show you around.

About cessley

I am a bereaved parent. I write to give hope to other bereaved parents who are fresh in their grief. I want them to know life begins again. It (life) is forever changed, as are you, but one day, you will smile again. You may travel, you will make new friends, your heart will mend, though never heal and it will be a painful ride. It is one step at a time....sometimes, even one breath to the next is all we can seem to live through each day. But each day will be a new beginning, a different beginning, a different you. I have two surviving children: Amy, who is married to Brandon, and they have one daughter, Avery, and one son, Dylan. and Eric who is a doctor and is Clifton's twin brother. Clifton passed away when he was nearly two years old. As any bereaved parent knows, it is tough, REALLY tough trying to live after the death of a child. I lived in Shanghai, China for three years after the death of my son, and then lived in Beijing for two years. I am discovering life again, one step at a time. I returned to Oklahoma in February , 2020 due to the uncertainty of the virus. Little did I know the uncertainty would follow me across the ocean. This is nothing compared to the death of a child. I will survive! View all posts by cessley

5 responses to “Take your Journey, Dad

  • Whitville

    I know your pain, my only child died at birth and I have just recently said goodbye to my father…the hope is in the promise that we shall see our loved ones past Heavens gate…my prayers are with you and your family…

  • Manu Verley Le Roux

    Cathy,
    This post is, as usual, well written and the reflect of your wisdom and thoughts. You are such a rich personality, I can recognize you after all these years.
    All my prayers go to you, it’s so hard to be so far from those you love. Il lost my Dad and my brother waited for him in heaven. this helped to ease my pain.

    All my love to your Dad whom I never met, but must be a great guy to have married your great Mom and have such nice kids and grand-children.
    Can’t wait to welcome you in Paris. Just tell me the dates, save your hotel money and come home with your travelling friend, we will arrange a nice Parisian stay accordingly.
    All my thoughts, your old French friend
    Manu

  • Kelli Pate

    My Dear,

    My heart and arms just want to comfort you so much! though I have never lost a child and pray that I do not have to go through that horrible pain, I have lost my daddy. Yes, I was and still am a Daddy’s girl. I pray for his peace as well as peace for your whole family but mostly I pray for peace for you my Cathy. Love and miss you – wish I could see you! Oh and I hate our tax system as well as many other things but try to just ignore them. Hugs and Kisses my dear friend – Kelli Pate

  • Alison Abbott

    Cathy,
    My heart goes out to you. You have been through so much in your life. Losing a child has got to be the hardest thing one could go through and you inspire me with the strength you have carried on.
    I do know seeing a parent’s health go down is not an easy thing to go through; my dad’s health has also been getting much worse throughout the past year. He has always been a strong man who works hard whether it be at work or at home; doing what he can to take care of his family.
    I can’t begin to imagine the pain you have in your heart during this time. May God wrap His arms around you and give you comfort, peace, and strength today and always.
    Love ya!
    Alison Abbott

  • Paula O.

    I’m sorry you are having to go through this so far away. My thoughts are with you.

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