People Come and Go….but when it’s your child?

We meet so many people in a lifetime, some we keep in touch with forever, while others come and go a little more quickly. It is so nice to have friends who you can just pick right up where you left off the last time you saw them. Sometimes separations are caused when one of the friends moves away, or any number of other  circumstances, but regardless, you can always give them a call, send a text or better yet, a visit, knowing your heart will be filled with wonderful memories shared, and you will have time spent with those who love you unconditionally. These people are rare. Then there are friends who for whatever reason just disappear from your life, leaving you wondering why, or maybe you know why, but still consider the possibilities of what that friendship would have been like had it continued. But were they really your friend if they just disappeared anyway?. Probably not. But more importantly, we have family who often times go from our lives  far too soon, in particular, our children.

For some reason, this year, this holiday season has been one of the most difficult ones in a while. Those who have lost a child certainly know what I am talking about. Our lives are forever changed. There is one less present to buy, one less person at the table, or one less person that you hope travels safely to your home during the busy holiday season.  Oh what we would give to look out the window and see them pull into the driveway on Christmas Eve, or to see them open just one more present. Or maybe even read together one more time, Twas the Night Before Christmas, even though they are plenty old enough to read themselves.  Or……

We know we can’t live with “if onlys, what ifs”…..Though they certainly are swirling around in my head and heart this holiday season. When a child dies, it hurts forever, though eventually the hurt eases a bit, but this year it just isn’t easing up. Why?

I just came from the Compassionate Friends Christmas Memorial, as I have every year since my son died, (except for while I was in China, and even then somebody went in my place) and I light the traditional Christmas candle as a video is shown of our children who are gone, but not forgotten. I never have the heart to blow it out after the memorial,rather, I just cup my hand around the flame to keep the wind from blowing it out as I carry it to my car. This year, for the first time ever, the wind blew the candle out as I was opening my car door. My heart sank.  Now what? Heavy sigh. I guess i will just relight it, but it’s not the same.

Wishing every parent who is spending this holiday without their child a peaceful heart with many memories to warm your heart, especially if your light has been extinguished.





About cessley

I am a bereaved parent. I write to give hope to other bereaved parents who are fresh in their grief. I want them to know life begins again. It (life) is forever changed, as are you, but one day, you will smile again. You may travel, you will make new friends, your heart will mend, though never heal and it will be a painful ride. It is one step at a time....sometimes, even one breath to the next is all we can seem to live through each day. But each day will be a new beginning, a different beginning, a different you. I have two surviving children: Amy, who is married to Brandon, and they have one daughter, Avery, and one son, Dylan. and Eric who is a doctor and is Clifton's twin brother. Clifton passed away when he was nearly two years old. As any bereaved parent knows, it is tough, REALLY tough trying to live after the death of a child. I lived in Shanghai, China for three years after the death of my son, and then lived in Beijing for two years. I am discovering life again, one step at a time. I returned to Oklahoma in February , 2020 due to the uncertainty of the virus. Little did I know the uncertainty would follow me across the ocean. This is nothing compared to the death of a child. I will survive! View all posts by cessley

3 responses to “People Come and Go….but when it’s your child?

  • Kelli Pate

    My dearest darling, I have missed you greatly. Guess you know that Terry Jordan just lost his father less than a week ago so I know that this holiday season his family will mourn. Though it is not a child, pain of the heart is so, so difficult. All my love and letting you know you are missed.

    Kelli M Pate

    • cessley

      Kelli, NO I had no idea about Terry’s dad… I just received a Christmas card back in the mail today that I had sent to him. I guess I don’t have his correct address. I MISS YOU and would LOVE TO SEE YOU! Where do you live now? are you on Facebook?

      • Kelli Pate

        I live in Nixa, MO. It is a lovely place to live but not much chance to sing. I don’t get to Terry often at all, but I am on Facebook…look me up! I am not sure of his correct address either. God bless and Happy Holidays!

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