Not Inspired

October 20, 2015


“The Doctor wanted me to come out and let you know that Clifton might not make it off the table and is preparing you for the worse.”  Words no parent wants to hear, ever!

I remember my dear friend, Debra sitting by my side in the waiting room at St. Francis Hospital repeating again and again, not to give up hope. I often play this over in my head, but just tonight it played heavy on my heart.  I was so fortunate to have dinner with her again tonight after all these years. Shortly after my son died, she and her family moved to North Dakota, and visits have been few and far between. We talked about and relived so many memories, good and not so good.  A good friend is one who you can just pick back up with as if no time has passed at all. We talked about the benefit fundraiser the Tulsa Fire Department had for my sons medical bills. We talked about our kids, spouses, current and former, jobs, and the crystal heart she still has in her jewelry box that I gave her when my son died, thanking her for her friendship. That means the world to me, just knowing she hasn’t forgotten my son. We both left the restaurant with tears in our eyes and many fond memories in our hearts. Thank you Debra for being an amazing friend for so many years. You have inspired me to continue writing my blog.

Up until now, I have had no inspiration at all to continue writing my blog. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to write about,I guess. But it seems all the adventure was left behind in China. America means work, and lots of it!  People are busy, and rarely make time for others. We get so bogged down with everything, that we sometimes forget who and what are important.

It has been a year of settling in, trying to reconnect with old friends, and forging ahead with new ones.

About cessley

I am a bereaved parent. I write to give hope to other bereaved parents who are fresh in their grief. I want them to know life begins again. It (life) is forever changed, as are you, but one day, you will smile again. You may travel, you will make new friends, your heart will mend, though never heal and it will be a painful ride. It is one step at a time....sometimes, even one breath to the next is all we can seem to live through each day. But each day will be a new beginning, a different beginning, a different you. I have two surviving children: Amy, who is married to Brandon, and they have one daughter, Avery, and one son, Dylan. and Eric who is a doctor and is Clifton's twin brother. Clifton passed away when he was nearly two years old. As any bereaved parent knows, it is tough, REALLY tough trying to live after the death of a child. I lived in Shanghai, China for three years after the death of my son, and then lived in Beijing for two years. I am discovering life again, one step at a time. I returned to Oklahoma in February , 2020 due to the uncertainty of the virus. Little did I know the uncertainty would follow me across the ocean. This is nothing compared to the death of a child. I will survive! View all posts by cessley

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